More on Tokyo and the Pity Party that Ensued

Ah, yes....nothing like a little body image dilemma when you're a model......words from my travel journal (aka an invitation to my pity party)...

8/27

Sitting in Narita. This is all so fucking surreal. I have spent 7 days in Tokyo and now I am going back home. Total mind fuck. I'm physically and emotionally exhausted. I had a great time with Debbie and Michelle yesterday. We walked the grounds of the Imperial Palace, rode the subways, got lost, went shopping at Harajaku and partied at Gas Panic and Lexington Queen with two of the boys from N'SYNC, experienced a minor earthquake this morning and now my trip is over. Whirlwind? I'm going home.

I really like Tokyo. It's a pristine city, beautiful in its modernity, full of brilliant and positive energy. The people are so nice. I'm glad I got to come even if for such a short amount of time. I just wish I could've stayed longer, to experience this place if nothing else. I amstill angry, sad, shocked about getting sent home without being given any benefit of the doubt. I feel insulted and hurt and cand see a serious body and food image issue starting to form in my psyche.

As soon as I found out I was leaving I binged on crazy amounts of food both healthy and not. And now I feel disgusting and fat. I'm paranoid to go to Q6 when I get back and have them think of me as fat and gross. I don't want to end up with some sick obsession. Why the hell did this happen?