Thursday, November 06, 2008

The Perfect Cup of Tea

Ok, I just had to post about this great cup of tea I just made myself. I am a little bit in awe because ever since the last time I was in Asia which was several years ago, I have been trying to emulate the kind of milky tea that I would always binge on in Asian bakeries from Tokyo to Taipei. The first time I had this kind of tea was with my Brazilian roommate in Osaka in a bakery where I got asked if I wanted tea with lemon or "hotto milku tea". I love my tea with cream and sugar so I went for the latter and loved every drop of it.....And after years of trying to get that mix right and failing every time....this morning I did it. I swear that first mouthful took me straight back to the bakery in Shinsaibashi.....sigh......

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

I Know I Promised....

I know I'm supposed to have some terribly embarrassing shots of me on here from my season in Taipei....and some pretty good ones too! LOL! I've been caught red handed in busy-ville as well as have started a new blog to ride alongside this one called
"Model Mom Diaries" which you can check out at:

Give me till the end of the week to scan in the pictures I promised....They really will show up on here! ;)

Wednesday, October 08, 2008

Hello and Welcome!

LOL! Seriously though....I have had some new readers come through and I want to make sure you all know to go to the very beginning of this blog...archives are on the right hand that this all makes more sense! Peacocks on Leashes is a memoir of my experiences so nothing is current, yet....someday I hope to get up to what is happening LIVE! ;)

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Channeling Jack Kerouac

This has to be one of the best journal entries to describe how I felt every time I left a market and moved on to another for season....judging from the date on this entry it was written probably in the limo ride to the airport as I was leaving Taipei:

Maybe it's a curse of my Gemini nature, my Cuban blood, my impetuosity that makes me fall so easily in love with the places that temporarily become my home and the people that for a brief instance in time become my world. And maybe it is a blessing....making my life a mad existance...but I wouldn't have it any other way.

(It's pretty apropo that I would have then gone on to quote Jack Kerouac...)

"What is that feeling when you're driving away from people and they recede on the plain till you see their specks dispersing?--it's the too huge world vaulting us, and it's good-bye. But we lean forward to the next crazy venture beneath the skies."
-J. Kerouac "On the Road"

No better quote had ever been written to describe my life at the time. Reading it now still gives me the chills and makes me ache for the road....

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

On Leaving Taipei

Another peek into my travel journal at the end of season in Taipei.....

4/30 here I am again...on the verge of moving on once more. I leave Taipei, Taiwan tomorrow. I served my time here and survived. 8 weeks of madness and I've lived to tell the tale. Although I came here searching for what I always like to call my proverbial pot of gold, I can say that the memories I Take from this place & the people I have met are absolutely priceless. often dubbed the infernal metropolis by many a model that has suffered through its endless castings, 200 cut days, and the infamous, pose, pose, pose actually a city I quite love. I have spent, in accumulation of my trips, 5 months in this city with its mad, confused, labyrinthine streets, its neverending din of traffic and human voices, its aliveness in extreme. I have found the people here to be genuine, the food (which is everywhere) good enough to merit my abandoning all ambitions towards waifdom, the culture so rich, so haunting...and all of this has become completely familiar to me now.

I have learned to speak & understand more Mandarin than I ever would have dreamt possible, have rubbed elbows with Taiwanese, celebs and mafiosos...all colorful characters, all enriching my life in one way or antoher, and have made friends that I hope to keep...such as my boys from the Westside that I came to meet in Taipei and my 5 new girls. Together my girls and I bonded in our estrogen enhanced mood swings...never have so many boxes of Kleenex been gone through or more McDonald's meals been consumed in such a short period of time. And now it's all over. Just like that.

The good times I have had here definitely outweigh the bad. it's time to move on and start all over somewhere else. In my case, Milan.

No more fearing for my life every time I get in a taxi & commence the wild ride to castings or bookings dodging stray dogs, children and entire families on mopeds at speedracer velocity. No more enduring the incessant bombardment of N'Sync and Backstreet Boys at every internet cafe, convenience store and fast food joint. No more late night runs to 7-11 for hot dogs and tuna triangles. No more bubble milk tea. The things I am going to be missed, soon to be replaced but not forgotten by, wild nights at Hollywood, Gasoline and Old Fashion Cafe, lazy days in the sun at Parco Sempione, late night runs to the 24 hour panini stands, and endless miles to be tread on dirt encrusted feet to castings. La vita e veramente bella!

And it's good-bye to Taipei....and I thank this city and all I've met here for adding to my lessons learned in the school of life.

Tuesday, September 09, 2008

Being Fierce With Blow-Up Accesories

I've gotten my scanner reconfigured so I can scan some new and ever delicious tearsheets from my second season in Taipei. I have some truly classic ones too....everything from more cheesy teen couture to getting fierce in polyester ladies' fashion while posing on blow-up furniture to downright scary goth punk. You name it, I did it that season.....all in the name of modeling, fashion and the good ol' dinero. Stay tuned....

Monday, August 25, 2008

Find the Cuban Girl...

I never realized how much tanner I was than the rest of my fellow models in Taipei until I developed this picture....


I guess this is why clients and my bookers were so concerned with my skin tone being too dark for the Chinese market....fortunately, I booked a few jobs specifically because of my tan because at the time the Brazilians were storming the market, and I mean, who didn't find Giselle's toasty skin totally hot?!

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

We Make Party, Yes?

There's nothing like looking back at old party pics of my girls and I in various global locations to put an enormous smile on my face and a little blush on my cheeks.

Prefunking in Taipei with Smirnoff and OJ that we bought at the 7-11 across the street from our hotel always made for some interesting pictures.....and some very good times....

Charlie's Angels?


Apparently I was going through a J. Lo phase with the white bandanna.....


The Taiwanese know how to pimp out disco balls....and I know how to make myself invisible....camoflauge is hot!


Getting a VIP spanking at Room 18...


Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Laura Leaves and a Roach Moves In

About a month into season in Taipei, things started to slow down workwise for all of us. The agency cryptically kept mentioning the economy with a shrug of their shoulders and we just kept hoping to get busy again. At this point, Laura decided she would rather be home than wasting her time abroad, and who could blame her?

We had been rooming in a tiny room, sharing a double bed and a fridge the size of a milk carton for 4 weeks. We were being promised a proper room by the hotel every other day....castings were dropping off, she had a boyfriend waiting for her at was time to head back to the great white North. So, there I was saying good-bye to my friend once again. The day after she left, I found myself hanging out with Taya and Jennifer and we decided that in order to save money, I could move into their room and we'd split the rent three ways and I wouldn't be all by myself on the opposite end of the hotel. The hotel arranged to have a roll-in bed moved into a corner of their room for me to sleep in and I dragged all my crap two floors to become the third roomie.

Quarters were tight, but I was used to that, even though Taya had to climb over my bed to get out of her bed and into the bathroom. We got along famously and would laugh ourselves to sleep at night talking about castings we'd had that day or the outrageous jobs we'd just gotten done with. Everything was great until one afternoon when Taya and Jen were both working andI was home early. I was hanging out on my bed watching Chinese music videos when I noticed something move above my head out of the corner of my eye. When I looked up there was a gargantuan cockroach dangling from the AC grate, legs wiggling and trying to get back up and into the opening. Anyone who knows me, knows that I have a severe roach phobia, so this was enough to put me in a panic. I called the front desk to get someone to help and no one answered so I ran down to get aide with sweat poring down my face and my heart beating at a frenetic pace. Thank God someone was there.

The desk clerk had a cleaning lady run up with me (who spoke no English) so with a bunch of arm and hand motions and eyes filled with dread I was able to tell her that there was a roach on the ceiling above my bed. She looked at me and the roach bemusedly. Laughed a little (she must've thought I was one hell of a wimpy American) and shrugged her shoulders while miming that it would go away. She started to leave and I grabbed her and basically pleaded that she removed the offender. With not a little hint of annoyance, she slowly ambled into the bathroom, grabbed some toilet paper, climbed up on my bed and nonchalantly grabbed the roach, showed it to me with its legs and feelers flailing, laughed and walked out with it. What happened to that roach after she left with it, I'll never know, nor do I care. What I am glad about is that I never again saw one of those buggers in our room again....although from that point on I had to do a full room and bed check every night before going to sleep. Paranoia.....

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

I Can Spell M-O-D-E-L.

Ok, I am going to up and apologize now for any and all type-o's I have made or may make. I am normally posting with one hand while creating detailed Play-Doh sculptures with the other hand for my preschooler, and while bouncing my toddler up and down on my knees. So, I truly can spell....and really well at that. My problem here is the multitasking aspect of things.

I remember when multitasking entailed pouring a glass of vodka and cran in the VIP of some club or another while smiling brilliantly......sigh.....

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

Model Tourists

When you model abroad you are usually too busy doing castings and working to actually get to be a tourist. Although I always did a lot of on location bookings, I never really got to enjoy my surroundings in an exploratory way. Just kind of got to look out van windows or peer around doorways into courtyards and alleyways in between hair and make-up changes, but that was it. Meeting Jeffrey and his friends in Taipei made it so that we got to enjoy the perks of being tourists which really opened our eyes to the beauty of Taiwan beyond the bustling Taipei city limits.

On a Sunday during season that we all had booking-free, Jeffrey and Marcus talked us into taking a train out to the coastal town of Tamshui. It was a beautiful, peaceful hamlet where we got to eat the freshest seafood I had ever had to date, and where every female had to rush up and stop us to take pictures with Jeffrey. I have a shot somewhere of all of us posing with a group of about 8 or 9 teens as giddy as all get out. It was rad. we are in Tamshui....eating and blowing bubbles. The only things worth doing in life, eh? ;)



Friday, August 01, 2008

Peacock Virgins

Helllloooooo dahlings! Just wanted to throw out a note to all the newbies checking out my blog that this is a collection of my memoirs.....I am not actually in the places I am writing about currently. I am living in Portland, Oregon, bored off of my ass and reliving my life as a traveling fashion model by way of my writing.

So if you want this all to make much more sense just go waaaaaaaay back to the first entries on this blog (you can find my archives somewhere on the right hand side......) It'll be worth the hours you'll spend reading it.....really. :)

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Hanging With Taiwanese Rockstars

I have to say that this particular trip to Taipei was the best one yet....but for some reason I didn't keep much written record about it. I have tons of pictures but only 2 journal entries so I really am going to have to rely on the old gray matter to remember what exactly went on. I think I was so busy with work and play that I just had no time to pull out pen and paper and journalize I wish I had! Let me preface real quick by naming names. Laura and I ended up meeting the rest of the FMI girls who all became fast friends....Taya, Jennifer, and Olivia...there were others that we hung out with from another agency, but these three were our main in living la vida...

One of the things that made this trip so amazing was that one night my friends and I were partying at Room 18 which was a hot new club at Warner Village in Taipei. We had just gotten done working at a fashion show and arrived at the club only to find out that it was full to capacity because DJ Scratch was there and everyone in town wanted to be there. This was a veritable quandry, since I had been so used to VIP treatment and never having to wait for entry to any we sulked as models can do ever so well, until we were approached by a guy named Jeff who introduced himself in perfect English although he was Taiwanese (but born and raised in LA I later found out!) and made the velvet ropes part so that we could get in.

Jeff ended up becoming one of best friends in Taiwan that season. He was California cool but also knew all the ins and outs of being a local in Taipei since his family also lived there part time. Thanks to him, my girls and I got to dine at some of the best restaurants, hang out at the hottest clubs du jour and just have a great time hanging out in general. It also turned out that Jeff was something of a celebrity in Asia. He had been part of a boy band called LA Boyz who were to Asia what the Backstreet Boys were to the States. Pretty much everywhere we went with Jeff, we would get mobbed by young girls with cameras and giggles. It was a trip. We also got to meet his brother Stanley who was also a recording artist and their friends, Jae a music producer and Vanness who is now a megastar in Asia....actually, they all are. They're part of a crew that goes by MACHI.

Crazy thing about meeting Vanness in Taipei is that later we found out that we had both been raised in Santa Monica and went to the same grade school there.....we had played in the playground at the same time but ended up meeting decades later in Taiwan.

So, yeah....this season in Taipei we got to hang out with official rockstars. They treated us like queens, were nothing but gentlemen, sweet, generous, and respectful. One of the best group of guys I've had the pleasure to meet in my life. Along with one of Jeff's friends, Marcus whom we later met because he was crushin' on Jen, they were our entourage and we were theirs. Thanks to them we got to see the city in a whole new light and it was GREAT.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

The Ol' Roomie Reunite

So, the day after I got to Taipei, I walked into the agency and there was Laura! My roommate from my last season there. It was like no time had passed. We had kept in touch via phone calls while we were gone, and it was just so nice to see another familiar face in a strange land.

Now, I'm sure I've already touched on my past with Laura, but I always think it is so cool when it comes to mind, so I am gonna tell you again. I first laid eyes on Laura in a tram in Milan my first season there. She had an Elite book and headphones on and I remembered thinking how she was the quintessential model. Tall, perfect bone structure and elegant. Then a few weeks later I ran into her again at a casting for a hair magazine. We exchanged greetings but that was it. It wasn't until several months later that we would run into each other again halfway around the world in Taiwan where we became roommates and fast friends. This proved the point that although there are millions of would be models out there who say they are actually "models" the ones that are truly working their craft travel in a small circle. I can't tell you how many times I would run into other models I knew or at least recognized from castings in the most random markets. One day in Milan, the next in Miami and then again in Hong Kong. Crazy!

Laura and I were so happy to be back in a country and city we loved and ready to take it by storm. We packed into a taxi with another model and our manager and set off that first day on a bevy of castings and ladyposed our butts off. Later that evening we decided we had to be roommates again and combined all of our crap into a tiny shoebox of a room since we were told that all the doubles were occupied and the fun began! Two days into this trip and I knew it was going to kick ass!

Sunday, June 08, 2008

Coppertoning It In Taipei

So, once again, I found myself packing my bags, bidding tearful farewells to my friends, pulling out my passport and boarding pass and deplaning thousands of miles away in Taipei.

I had been to Taiwan before, so now I could consider myself a veteran. I knew where to go and what to do at the airport. I walked from my gate pulling my obscenely heavy carry-on bags past miles of hallways through the terminal that were covered in advertisements and I kept count of which ones I thought I could probably book while there. I went through customs, found my driver holding up my name in Chinese and English on a card. He put my bags in the trunk of his shiny, black Lincoln Towncar and we were off....back to the First Hotel.

I stared out the car window at the mystery and tumult that is Taipei and even though I had been in Miami just hours before, I felt myself start to get ready and excited for this new season in Asia. When I got to the hotel, I checked in and the people at the front desk actually remembered me from the last time I had been there. They were kind, courteous and all smiles as they told me where my room was, handed me my key and about 6 faxes from my booker asking if I had arrived yet and I was off to my little pad. The bellhop trudged up with all my accoutrements....poor guy, my suitcase was bigger than him...and as he left he told me I looked just like Britney Spears. Even though I should have been tremendously offended, I knew by the super happy grin on his face that he meant it to be the utmost accolade, so I tipped him well, closed the door and passed out on my rock hard mattress.

The next morning I made it to the agency, group hugs and reintroductions ensued and not a second too soon I was told that I needed to maybe try to make my skin less tanned. After almost 4 months in Miami there was no way I was about to look Geisha I smiled, said "no problem" and hit the casting circuit with my manager and a couple of new girls that would become really great friends in no time. Taya, Olivia and Jen. Things were good already....and only to get better since my roommate from my first trip to Taipei, Laura, was to arrive the next day!

Thursday, May 29, 2008

More Cheese & Sex from Miami

And here is a sampling of just a few of the tearsheets I got from that season in Miami. Once again, the Dutch, German and French clients cast me as a teen queen and the Italian and Spanish clients interpreted me as something of a Lolita....

For your viewing pleasure....ha!







Friday, May 16, 2008

Modeling Too Much!

Wow, I am super slacker when it comes to posting on here lately! I've just all of a sudden started booking photoshoots locally and am starting to put together a completely new book....I've been wanting to get back out there for direct bookings since I can't actually travel long term anymore (becoming a mom put a halt to that!) and this new work I'm doing is hopefully going to help with that! So coupled with my writing assignments, Peacocks on Leashes has suffered a bit....but I am anxious to get back on here. Don't give up on the Peacocks just yet.....they'll be back fully plumed by next week. I have heaps of stuff I need to scan and post on here, because I know everyone is just dying to see my German magazine tearsheets. Fabulosity.....

Sunday, May 04, 2008

And Yet Another Journal Entry from Miami...

Here are my musings at the thought of leaving Miami and heading back over to Taipei for season....


So I just found out that I'll be heading back to Taipei in a few weeks. Although the prospect of going back to Asia and making money is exciting, I'm starting to feel a heaviness in my heart knowing that before I know it, these past 4 months that I have spent in South Beach will soon be nothing more than a series of memories and pictures in an album.

The apartment that I have come to call home, the streets and faces that have once again become all too familiar, the sea and sand I look at daily from my window and that I have come to take for granted, the friends, my adoptive family members, that I have known since last season, brought with me from Milan, or just newly met...these are the ties that bind me, that cause that all too familiar feeling of infinite sadness when I allow myself to realize how soon they and it all will be taken away from me. That torturous process of being a traveling model. Bittersweet life.

South Beach once again will remain a most vivid and beautiful place in my memories.


I have to say, that when people ask me what the hardest part of being a model is, I really can't tell them stories about awful perverted photographers trying to coke me up, or rape me. I dont have stories like that, thank God....but the worst and hardest part for me was being uprooted from "homes" and missing my friends. Friends that I miss to this very day. I have yet to make friends that were as close to me as those friends I made while I was traveling.

Monday, April 14, 2008

Miami Inked....

Actually it was more like Miami Pierced. For a while I had toyed with the idea of doing something a little more drastic than just cutting my hair. Even though I love a good tatt on a hot guy, the idea of inking myself has never been all that attractive to me besides the fact that in the Asian markets at the time I was working them shunned models with body art. Naval rings kinda piqued my curiosity for a while but then just seemed too stripper to me (or moronic Sorority girl) so I took that off of the list of possibilities. But I was bound & determined to figure out something...and thanks to my roomie, Paul, we figured out that tongue rings were the coolest thing and my mind was made up.

Paul and I both decided to get our tongues pierced one night during a dinner convo. He told me that once I got mine done, it was cool and didn't kill too much he would get his done too, so the next day I went to a tattoo/piercing shop with Jackie to hold my hand through it and did the deed. The funny thing is that the parlor I went to was called something like "New Age Tattoo and Piercing" and was located where Ami has his shop now (Miami case ya didn't know....). The other funny thing is that I remember partying with Ami long before he became super hot famous thanks to his show (which I love by the way...). But I Jackie took me in, I signed all my disclaimers and convinced the piercer that I was over 18, he sat me down on the chair, grabbed my tongue with his hand (not pliers or anything else) and pierced. It barely hurt. He then told me not to eat any solids for a few days, drink liquour or give oral sex (after which he added, "unless it's for me"....cheeky bugger) and I was on my way.

Walking back to the apartment we ran into Paul playing volleyball with some other models and he freaked out that I had actually gone through with it, loved it, but ended up chickening out in the end. Ha!

That night, like the well behaved girl I was, I followed my instructions from the piercer to a T. I did not give anyone oral sex (not even him), but I went out to Living Room with my friends, drank, went home, woke up to go to Volleypalooza the next day, drank a little more and ate a sub sandwich by shoving pieces of it towards the back of my mouth and chewing with my head tilted so as not to disturb my healing tongue.

It healed well despite my lack of obedience and I was officially a rebel. Heh!

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Rotating Roomies

And as aways happens when you're traveling and starting to make that crazy, almost instant sibling-like bond with your roommates, one or more of them get called away to different markets or just back to the normalcy of their homes.

Sometime around the middle of February, Amber had to head home to Portland, and Kari (who was day by day growing out of wanting to model anymore) left for greener pastures in Seattle where she would start going back to school. Ned moved out and into a house with Tyler and some other models and Paul and I were left in the Decoplage. While trying to figure out how we were gonna split the massive rent on our own, the heavens parted and a new roommate came our way.

During lunch poolside at the Delano, Neil and Cormac introduced me to Miyuki who had just arrived and needed a place to stay. Cormac asked if I had room at my place, and the rest is history. Miyuki moved in and became fast friends with Paul and I . She turned out to be a fantastic person to live with and a wonderful friend. Her outer beauty was only surpassed by her inner beauty. So nice, thoughtful....and could party with the best of us. The rest of the season had us going to castings together, dining at Pearl with Neil, Cormac and friends, and partying at Nikki Beach. The good life continued for a few more weeks and I was taking it all in because by mid March I would be off to Taipei again for another 2 months. (This, of course, meant that I would be maniacally slathering myself with the highest SPF possible at all times....a tan in the Asian markets was not a good thing and I was already looking a little too burnt toasty.....)

Saturday, March 29, 2008

More Model Mayhem from Miami

Just a little pictorial of some of the good times had in Miami that season. Good friends, good places to hang out, good eats, life does not get better than that.



Yes,that really was Pauly Shore.








Sunday, March 16, 2008

My Model Boy Shout Out

Looking at the previous post about my NYE in Miami back in the day made me really think about how great of friends I had back then. Many of them are very much still in my life thanks to email and Facebook, but none of us live in the same city, save for Amber and I miss these old modeling days friends like crazy.

That being said, I have to dedicate this post (aka give a shout out) to my boy Jean-Paul. From the moment we met we became instant friends. He was always brutally honest with me about everything and was always sincere. We could tell each other things most friends keep to themselves. He has heard of and met many of the skeletons in my closet and I know several of his. No matter where in the world I'd be, JP would always call me up just to give me a shot of confidence and a smile. I remember one time sitting at a casting in Milan while he was in Miami and I was having a craptastic day when I got a call from him and he said something to me that I will never forget. He said "Telling a girl she is the most gorgeous girl in the world is crazy. There really isn't such thing, but you I want you to know that you are one of the most gorgeous girls in the world." That was all I needed to change my energy that day. I didn't book the job I was at the casting for, but I knew that out there in the world I had one hell of an amazing friend. I miss that boy. My baby bro.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

New Year's Eve-ing Like a Rockstar

Rather than try to dig up a really accurate account of this amazing night, I am gonna lift my story straight out of my travel journal...far more to the point and in the moment that way. Not that I was so lambasted that I don't remember what actually happened, because I do remember....even though I was lambasted....but anyways, journals are always far more to the here we go...


A new year. Wow.

I had the most amazing New Year's eve last night. JP came over and 8 and we started drinking and watching "Half Baked", then we put on some CD's and started dancing around the living room like two little kids having the time of their lives. Around 10 we decided to walk down Ocean Drive. There was so much energy. People everywhere, everyone happy and partying. Totally drunk on life and liquid. We walked all the way over to Nikki Beach and JP and I got into Linley's party free because Paul was working the door. We got to ring in the new year with champagne toasts on the sand getting rained on by the snow machines. It was beautiful. Then we walked back to my place to meet up with Ned, Pauly and Tyler who had been working at a party in Naples and continued our drunken festivities. We bonded so much last night. Me and my little crew. Too much fun. I am gonna miss these boys when season is over. Miss them like crazy.

JP and I at the Nikki Beach NYE party:


Little me and two more model girls...I feel like an ass, but I don't remember their names....


Linley! Good friend and host of the party...


NYE throngs on Ocean Drive....pura vida...


Thursday, February 14, 2008

Coming Up.....

I have been hit with a nasty cold and am about to fall asleep on my laptop...but stay tuned for my next post with pictures. New Year's Eve in Miami. To date that was the best NYE I've ever had.....God, what I wouldn't do to teleport myself back to that moment. Totally beats the post nasal drip, crusty eyed craparific time I am having right now....

Thursday, February 07, 2008

More Middle Model Musings from Miami

The sea breezes and sunshine definitely made for some introspective moments during this particular season in Miami. Here are some musings from a model mind while waxing & waning philosophical:


We think ourselves to be so grandiose. In our own eyes our lives seem to be the center of the Universe. Everything revolving around us, when in fact we are merely an infinitesimal speck in the grand scheme of things. Our impact on the world, with the exception of a few astounding individuals, is so minor that if we were to disappear tomorrow, everything would continue on as usual...the earth would continue to pulse, grow, nourish all those still existing on her surface. We would be a mere memory in the minds of the few we allowed into our guarded worlds while we were still gifted with the breath of life.


The year 2000 is almost over. The first year I learned to truly live, to come alive. The memories of the past 12 months overwhelm me. How much have I changed, I wonder? Am I a better person? Worse? Perhaps both? I won't attempt to seek an answer to these questions. You can only dig so deep into your psyche before uncovering strains of madness. Whatever, whoever I am or have become, needs to learn to grow more comfortable in her own skin. Comfortable in my own skin...I wonder, does anyone truly, wholly, learn to do that? One is always growing, expanding...can you harness your spirit to flesh? Perhaps what I need to do is take comfort in knowing that I will never truly know myself.


Yeah.....models can get pretty deep. Funny how you never see or hear any talk about this kind of stuff on any of the modeling reality shows that are taking over TV. Modeling makes you realize how insecure you really are. It hands you a life of glamour and luxury, breaks you down to nothing, hands you some more glamour, breaks you down again, then takes you back up to incredible heights. Roller coaster ride. Welcome to Model Mountain. Keep your arms and legs in the car at all times. You'll need them to book work.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

But at Least We Got a Good Shot....Kinda

In recompense for the fact that we shot for free and ended up actually paying for jeans we would never wear, we got some pretty decent shots for our book. Here is one of them:


Prior to post, Kari was actually climbing a chair that was upturned on the floor but it got edited out for whatever reason, I don't know why. So, although I think we look good and the dresses (I wish we had bought those instead of the jeans...but the designer was asking $300 a pop) are beautiful, it kind of looks like I am smelling my friend's flatulence with a look of consternation on my face. Still like the picture though! Fart-chic.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Get Drunk & Buy Clothes

Since Kari and I both had shorter hair and most of the girls in Miami for the season had long locks, we ended up booking quite a few jobs together. One of them was for an up & coming local designer who had moved to South Beach from Milan and was looking for two girls to represent her Spring/Summer collection. She chose (insert drumroll here) Kari and I.

Since the designer was new we agreed to work pro bono in exchange for tearsheets and what we hoped might be some free clothes. The photographer, Baruch, was well known in NY and Miami, so getting good pics was a sure thing therefore worth working for no money. The shoot took place in the Penthouse of the Decoplage which meant we just had to take the elevator up to our location. Loved that!

Once on set we got made up by an amazing make-up artist and got to work with the designer on what outfits would look best on us. We got fed an amazing lunch and then the bottles of red wine were brought out and even though neither Kari or I had ever drunk on set before, the atmosphere of this shoot was very casual and the client insisted that we partake in the vino. So we did. Slightly buzzed we started shooting and got some incredible images. At the end of the shoot the client started declaring that the we looked incredible in our last outfits and we needed to have them. "Ok, cool. We guessed this meant we would get to keep our very expensive designer duds....well, we were right....kinda.

Being as we were halfway tipsy we somehow ended up BUYING our outfits from the designer. Not only did she insist that we HAD to have our outfits, but she also insisted that we pay for them. Since local boutiques were selling her jeans for over $200 we'd be passing up a great deal if we didn't break down and pay $100 for them. 50% off...great deal, huh?!

Yeah....not so great of a deal when the next day we looked at our purchases and realized we would nenver in hell wear them out of the house. WHile they looked great through rose tinted glasses and on a perfectly lit set with rockstar hair & make-up....the glittered and paint splashed denim just made us look a little too retro 80's before retro 80's became cool. I don't know what Kari did with her jeans, but I ended up having to cart them to Milan and Taiwan with me after my season in Miami ended only to leave them at Goodwill a year later.

Moral of the story: Never drink while shooting. Even two glasses of red may leave you $100 poorer and richer one pair of god-awful trousers.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Getting Paid to Go to Heaven

A little over a month into season I got a call early in the morning from my booker at Elite to ask if I was available to go to the Bahamas to shoot the next day. What? Am I available? And was I supposed to answer "no" at any given time? There is not much in this world that would have caused me to decline spending a day on a Caribbean beach and getting paid handsomely just to frolic in sand & sea while being photographed. So, of course, and half asleep, I said that I was indeed available and the next day I woke up at 4 am, got picked up by the clients in a van, drove to the airport, boarded the sardine can with wings that was our plane, and spent the next 10 hours in the Bahamas on a perfect beach, with perfect weather and several beautiful co-workers shooting for a delightful Irish client.

I have to add though,that looking down from the plane mid air and seeing another tiny plane laying destroyed in the jungles underneath us was a bit disconcerting. But landing on a tiny airstrip with a miniscule airport and being greeted by the lovely and very warm Bahamian staff who took it upon themselves to escort us to an even tinier cafe for breakfast made up for the panic attack I had in the sky.

And here it is...heaven on earth.....and definitely one of those days I just knew I had the best job on earth:

(De plane! De plane!)


(The clients unpacking the equipment & wardrobe from the boat we took to the Bahamian island we were shooting on...)


(Juliette and I in between shots....oh God, I was so tan then....*sigh*)


(Photographer & male model in action...)


(Yeah...gorgeous. And pictures do this place no justice...)


Wednesday, January 09, 2008

And on Another Bad Day in Miami....

Apparently I had more than one bad day, or just plain introspective day, while in Miami that season....because here is yet another pity soiree I captured in my journal. I can remember why I was inspired to write this, even though looking back I smirk at myself thinking how thin skinned I still was at that point in my career.

I wrote this entry after going to a fashion show casting for a swimwear designer who had all of us boys & girls line up in our bikinis (board shorts for the guys, with a random speedo thrown in here and there) and walked up and down in front of us with extremely loud critiques about all of our bodies. The comment I got this particular day was "I love your body but your knees are really big." Ok, so was I supposed to say "thanks" to the first half and "what the f***k do you mean by big knees?" to the last half? But I kept my mouth shut and smiled emptily as did everyone else who got shade thrown at them for being less than perfect.


I'm so tired of being perceived as the vacuous, pretty little thing. I'm not that. There's so much more to me. Self confidence & esteem are not my forte. I don't let everyone see that though. I don't know how to keep my chin up when I'm working as a piece of meat. Modeling, albeit at times devastatingly glamorous, is also painfully humbling. Always too something...too short, too young, too old, too skinny, too fat, too pale, too dark. I'm tired of never being perfect enough even though I belong to this "elite" group of mannequins....the clan of the beautiful people. We are hired, paid and hailed for being as close to perfect as humanly possible yet we are constantly scrutinized & dissected. Perfection is not perfect enough. Go figure.

I want to immerse myself in something I can grow & develop in. I want to write, use my brain, be passionate about something intellectually stimulating. I want to surround myself with other wanderers in the soul search. If I meet one more underaged, vapid, egocentric waif I think I may just spontaneously combust. There's only so much more of the "Oh my God I am so fat, I have a zit, my nails aren't shiny enough, is he/she better looking than me" laden conversations that I can take. All the bullshit.

This career is so fleeting. It caters to the youth and the youth obsessed. Good times...yeah. Travels....yeah. Adventures...hell yeah. I don't regret the memories. Man, all I've done and experienced goes beyond words. Just this Saturday I got paid an insane amount of money to play on a beach in the Bahamas. Tough. But are there greener pastures?

"Could you wanna take my picture, cuz I won't remember..." --Filter


Of course this moment of fleeting mental anguish (LOL!) was nothing more than just that....fleeting. Because lord knows I kept getting bookings (even with my so-called gargantuan knees) and kept traveling. In my perception the Industry's goods definitely outweighed the bads and of today I'm still a part of this world. Yeah. I'm in it til they force me to retire baby.

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

Upcoming Attractions.....

One of my 2008 resolutions is to get back to posting on here a couple of times a week at least....and I plan to stick to it. I gotta get out all these memories before my brain cobwebs over and I forget everything! LOL!

More model mayhem to ensue!!!